A Year Since I've Left Lincoln

It's a year exactly since I left Lincoln and ventured forth to move to Atlanta.  I remember quite vividly the deep feeling of uncertainty and loss I felt.  I went up to the top of the capital building and I gazed out over that city that I will always love and treasure.  It was where I went to college, where I came out and found myself.  And I stood up there and took it all in. Then I got in my car and drove away.  It was a very emotional day, and by the time I got to my parent's house I was drained. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to leave, I just knew where my grad school was and I knew what I wanted to be.  

Today, I'm kind of amazed at how far I've come in a year. So I've decided to be superbly sappy and go back over what's happened in my life since then.

Dad helped me move down to Atlanta, and when we came to move in, the apartment was a mess.  It got cleaned up, but it still wasn't where I wanted to live.  I put up with it.

I met my friend D during orientation and he took me to my first Episcopal Mass. The pew arobics were a bit complicated, but he started me on my adventures into crossing myself, singing Psalm tunes, and bowing at the right time.  I tried to come to every Wednesday evening Evensong at school.  I found that I really love saints and the Eucharist.  If you feed me spiritual food and tell me about those who have come before me in the faith, I find it hard to resist. 

This process of Episcopalization was aided by meeting Br. K.  I was actually at first nervous to talk to him because he was the guy in the funny robes, and I figured he was some super pious dude. Turned out we have similar amounts of piety, and I came to monk meetings. That's where I began to love Compline and started learning about Daily Offices. 

Then I found love at the monk house kitchen table.  Br. J was fascinating to me, and I fell for him while we were looking at a magazine of Catholic chatchkies. Go figure.  Then he invited me to go to a haunted house with him that weekend. We ended up going to two and it goes down in my personal history as the coolest first date ever.  After that I had to stop counting dates because we were together every single day.  It was kind of ridiculous, but it worked for us and still does. 

J came with me to Thanksgiving in Iowa, and the day before Thanksgiving I got my legal name change. J was with me at the courthouse as I got the documents signed by the judge.  There was much to be thankful about. 

I started talking to the bishop and looking at Episcopal churches, and I was recieved into the Episcopal Church on the second Sunday of Advent.  I had been a pill that day, and J and I had an argument right beforehand, but when I came up to be recieved, J made sure he was right by my side.

A little while later, he was right there as I took my first shot of T. 

The next semester I joined the Episcopal Studies program at school and got assigned to one of the best little churces ever.  I love all that I do there and Fr. B is absolutely amazing.

J and I also just moved into an apartment together.  It's beautiful and amazing.  I feel more grounded having a place to come home to that feels like home. I am finally settling in.  

I've also met probably some of the most incredible people and I feel extremely blessed. 

I am connected to my community in ways I never imagined.

I miss Lincoln, and I will always be connected to Lincoln.  It was where I found myself. But since coming to Atlanta, I've been able to be myself in ways I never imagined.  And that's great too.  I think I can call this place home for a while, maybe not forever, but for long enough. 

It's a good life. 

My Sermon on the Rich Fool 8/4/13

This is my sermon from 8/4/13.  It is on Luke 12:13-21 with mentions of Ecclesiastes 1:2, 12-14, 2:18-23 as well as Colossians 3:1-11. I hope you find something in this sermon that inspires you and makes you think.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I got very positive feedback on it.

A large crowd has gathered around Jesus. He admonishes them to not fear those who kill the body, for they can kill nothing more.  He tells them that when people are brought before the authorities because of their belief in him, they should not worry about their defense, because the Holy Spirit will tell them what to say. This is important business.
Then a voice in the crowd pops up, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” I can imagine that Jesus would have been a little shocked about that outburst.  That had nothing to do with what he was saying.  So he replies, “Friend, who set me to be a judge and arbitrator over you?” In other words, “Do I look like your lawyer?” Then he turns to the crowd and addresses them all saying, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.”
I can imagine this man standing in the crowd, barely paying attention to Jesus because he is so consumed with this problem of inheritance. His mind is so focused on possessions and wealth, he can’t listen to what Jesus is saying.  There is a pause in Jesus’ teaching and this man bursts forth with his question of inheritance.
He wasn’t wrong to ask Jesus about this.  Rabbis and religious officials were often consulted on legal matters.  They were the ones who knew the law of Moses and were able to interpret it.  I imagine the man came to Jesus specifically because he had heard that Jesus was one of the best rabbis, and wanted to consult him. He was however so consumed with the matter, with his possessions, that he wasn’t able to stop and simply listen.  He was so consumed with the injustice occurring in this inheritance battle that he carried it on his shoulders, and he couldn’t drop the weight. So there it festered until he asked Jesus.  And Jesus never answered his question, he never gave him legal counsel. Rather, Jesus told him a story.
It’s a story of a dream come true.  A rich man’s land has just produced an abundant amount of grain.  So much so that the barns could not possibly hold it all.  So the rich man asks himself, “What am I going to do with all this grain? There’s no way I can store all of this.” He thinks hard and says, “I know exactly what I’ll do.  I’ll tear down my existing barns and build huge ones.  Then I will be able to store everything! And I will say to my soul, my innermost being, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink and be merry.”  This man thinks that he will be able to kick back for the rest of his life.  He’s got it made. All his toil and labor has finally paid off.  He’s going into retirement.
But then God shows up and God’s not too happy.  God says, “You fool! You’re going to die tonight, and all these things that you prepared, where will they be? So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God."
This rich man is in the same bind as the first man.  He’s become consumed with possessions to the point that he really can’t focus on much else.  He works and labors to ensure that his wealth will be properly stored and maintained. He is consumed with it. He carries it on his shoulders with him. Worst of all, he thinks that his soul can relax because of his monetary gain.  He doesn’t have to work on anything anymore, including his relationship with God. But in the end, all that he has accomplished is vanity, and a chasing after the wind.
How often do we carry monetary problems and gains around with us? How often do we work and labor to maintain what we have or to gain more? How often has it become a consuming force? Something you can’t let go of?
In our world, money is important, and it’s important to be responsible with it, but we shouldn’t be defined by it.  Too often we are.  Occupations and pay grades often define how we are treated in society.  This past week Br. Jamie met a man at the Church of the Common Ground Bible study.  He had been arrested for loitering, which is essentially an arrest for sleeping in the wrong place downtown.  When he was arrested the police took his bag, which contained all his possessions, and they threw it away.  It contained his driver’s license and other important documents. But nobody took care with the possessions of a homeless man.  He was defined by his lack of housing.  His poverty made everything he had worthless in the eyes of the arresting officers.  Had he been arrested for anything else but homelessness, his possessions would have been stored and returned to him after he was released from jail, but they weren’t.  His monetary problems, his lack of housing made him subhuman. He was defined by his lack. The officers arresting him treated him differently than they would have treated a person who had a place to stay.  And that’s a problem with having a possession focused mindset.  Lack of possession tends to be equated with lack of human value.  And he was a man who was searching for a deeper relationship with God and was looking for resources to help him out of his current situation.  Even if he hadn’t of been though, he should have been treated with the respect that any other person would have been given.  He is still a human, a child of God.  But in a possession obsessed world, he was a homeless person, and that was what defined him.
Money is a fleeting thing, something that is given in abundance, often by chance, to some while others have to toil and labor for their share. The passage from Ecclesiastes today makes that clear.  The Teacher bemoans that while he has toiled and labored to gain earthly wealth, he will eventually die and someone else will reap the benefits of his labor. Those who receive inheritance from him are not necessarily wise, nor did they work to earn their profits, yet they will inherit all that he has earned. So, “What do mortals get from all the toil and strain with which they toil under the sun?” In the end, it is all vanity, a futile endeavor.
So why are we tied up with futility to the point that we shut out what Jesus is calling us to? Why is it so easy for us to treat others with less money and possessions with less respect, as if their lack of wealth meant they were less human? Money is important, jobs are necessary, but the ultimate definer of a person should not be how much they earn or what job they hold.  Those things all pass away and get passed on to others. They are all ultimately futile.
What does not die are the things that are of above.  Your relationship with God does not die.  All the time you have put into becoming a better disciple of Christ will not have been spent in vain.  As the writer of our passage from Colossians says, “When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory.”
 It is our relationship with Christ, the Creator, and the Holy Spirit, the holy unity and trinity of the divine that ultimately defines us and will stay with us long after we have passed from this earth.  These are the things that should we should be consumed with, not our possessions or material gain.  Too often our material focus makes it hard to see the spiritual in this world, it can cloud and consume us.  But when we step back, when we open up to the possibilities that God is speaking into our lives, we are investing in something that lasts.  
So when possessions pressure you to turn inward, when money becomes scarce or abundant, when your world seems defined by occupation or lack of it, Take care! For one’s life does not consist in the abundance or lack of possessions.  One’s life consists truly in the arms of their Creator.

The Supreme Court Rulings and State Authority

I'm going to take a dive into politics right now.
The Supreme Court made several rulings that should appeal to people who believe strongly in state rights and want less federal oversight.
First, the overturning of part of the Voter's Rights Act.  I don't know whether this move was good or not, I don't have that much knowledge about the issues that were involved in this and I am distrustful about how this decision will be used, especially with the new laws that Texas wants to implement.  However, it was a move that should appeal to those who believe in the sovereignty of the state.  The Supreme Court removed federal oversight of voting laws in specific states and regions.  That means that these states now have the power to make their own laws without federal control. 
Second, the overturning of DOMA.  This means that what a state defines as a marriage is a marriage in the eyes of the federal government.  If a couple living in a state with marriage equality gets a marriage license from the state, the federal government cannot say that marriage license is not legit in the eyes of the federal government.  The state decides what is a marriage within that state's borders, and the federal government has to respect that.  The state holds more authority in defining marriage.
Third, the dismissal of the Prop 8 case.  In this dismissal, the Supreme Court is saying that a federal court is not going to be the ultimate decision maker for an issue within that state. They let the ruling of the District Court within the state of California to stand, and as a result, marriage equality has been enacted in the state of California.  They let the state court decide what marriage is in the state of California and they refused to make a sweeping federal decision.
All these decisions upheld state authority in law making and removed or refused federal oversight.
What do I think about all this personally?
I think that I need to learn a whole lot more about the Voting Rights Act.  But if you're a citizen over the age of 18 and aren't currently incarcerated, you have the right to vote.  Nothing should hinder your access to the polls. I hope that the Supreme Court's decision will not result in laws and redistricting that would inhibit people's right to vote from being recognized or minority voices from being heard in law making bodies.  
I am happy that DOMA is repealed. 
I am also satisfied with the Prop 8 decision.  I recognize that the Supreme Court could have made a decision that would have brought marriage equality to more states or even the entire United States, but looking at this from a purely legal standpoint, I think they made the right decision. 
I wrote this because I know some conservative friends of mine think that the DOMA and Prop 8 decisions had a "liberal bias", but actually all these decisions that were laid out this week show a respect for state authority.  If you're someone who pushes for state rights, you should be satisfied with the Supreme Court's decisions, no matter your own personal ideology on the subject matter.

BSA and bad Churches

The Boy Scouts of America ruled a while ago that they can allow gay scouts as long as they are under 18.  It was something that I thought was interesting, but the ruling didn't catch my attention until I learned that some churches were kicking out scout troops because of this. I've only heard about two churches so far, but the idea that a church could refuse to associate with the organization because of this decision makes my blood boil.
I understand that some churches really do think that homosexuality is a sin and they try to remove homosexuals that refuse to repent for their "sin" from their congregations. I always thought this was horrible, but now there are churches going to new heights to remove gay people from their churches.  They won't even allow an organization which accepts gay youth meet in their buildings.
Think of what they are saying to young gay boy scouts.  They are not "loving the sinner but hating the sin", they are saying that these boy scouts are so repulsive that they can no longer come into their buildings.  They are punishing their entire troop for allowing them to still be scouts.  This is horrific.  In my opinion these churches are crossing the line.  I can sigh and leave churches who believe homosexuality is a sin alone, because I have hope that God is still doing good through them despite them being wrong on this issue. But when they start openly doing hateful things to hurt people who are trying to support gay people, I start having issues.  They are setting aside the greatest commandment, given by Jesus that states, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and Love Your Neighbor As Yourself." How can you love your neighbor if you refuse to let them into your buildings? If you take away your support just because they don't kick gay youth out of their organization? I don't think that's what Christ would do, and as Christians, aren't we supposed to follow his lead?
Part of me wants to yell at these churches, to organize people to tell them how wrong they are to do this.  I want them to lose membership, to die out.  I want their buildings to become vacant. I don't see how Christ can redeem people who do such an un-Christian thing.
But God is God, and Christ is Christ, and that means that there is still hope.  These churches could still turn around.  There can still be repentance from these congregations. In ten years, the congregants could look at the time they kicked out the BSA for allowing gay youth and blush with embarrassment.  I hope and pray that God redeems these situations.  I pray that the decisions these churches have made do not leave lasting wounds on the youth they reject.  I pray and hope because I know that the Christ who still proclaimed love after being brutally murdered is the Christ who refuses to let evil have the last say. 

A Late Post About The End of the First Year

My first year of seminary ended weeks ago, but I haven't said anything about it yet.  I think that's because I'm not sure how to sum it all up. So many things changed, I'm not sure where to begin. From my legal name to my relationship status, from my denominational affiliation to my prayer practices, nothing has stayed the same.  And I'm grateful for that.  I am blessed beyond measure. And maybe that's how I'll sum it all up.  It was a school year of blessings. It was a school year of wonderful changes.  Being here has shaped me in ways I never knew were possible.
I don't want to look at it through rose colored glasses though.  There were things that sucked, that really really sucked.  There were classes I disliked, there were projects I thought were ill planned. There were times when I was frustrated and angry.  Life still had it's ups and downs.
But it was a good year and I'm grateful for it.  I look forward to next school year.

Reclaiming the Bible

We had a discussion in my Hebrew class yesterday about newer Bible editions.  We looked at the fad of Biblezines and some newer study Bibles.  The problem that my professor pointed out was not the flash or even the fact that there were random notes and nonbiblical quizzes in these Bible editions. The problem is that the Biblical text gets lost in the notes, and people turn to the notes instead of the text.  This is because we have this modern notion that the Bible is supposed to be clear and easy to understand, that it's a like an owner's guide for human life. People get frustrated when they discover that the Bible isn't that, so they turn to the notes in new study Bibles that tell them how these texts apply to their lives.   Meanwhile Bible literacy rates in the United States continue to decline, to the point that many Christians can't even name the first book of the Bible.  We are losing our scripture to Zondervan's "Life Application" notes. 

This made think about how the Episcopal Church uses Biblical texts.  Part of the reason why I became Episcopalian is because services are steeped in scripture.  There are at least three readings at every service, along with a sung Psalm.  Morning prayer and compline are scripture and printed prayers.  Everything is steeped in the Bible.  Yet I wonder how some of the Biblical passages are recieved.  The Old Testament is rarely the topic of the sermon, and often I think we lose how the readings connect.  Preaching from the Gospel is beautiful, but wouldn't it be powerful if we could find ways to connect it to the OT and Epistle readings as well?  I fear that parishoners, while hearing all these parts of scripture read or sung, can't comprehend what is going on with them.  The scripture is heard, but the meaning is lost.  

If nothing else, we as Christians need to seriously consider what is being taught in our parishes. We need to ask "How Bible literate are our congregants?" Maybe we need basic Bible instruction courses, maybe we need to spend some time on basic Bible concepts in sermons. We need to help people understand that despite the billboard slogan, the Bible is not "Basic Instructions Before you Leave the Earth", it is a library of stories about struggle, about asking, "Where is God? And what is God up to?"  It's not an instruction manual for individuals trying to improve their faith, it's a library of texts centered around a communal story of struggle and endurance, of joy and sorrow, of exodus and homecoming; it's a story that is deeply steeped in the mystery and wonder of God.  We can only step into the mystery if we stop trying to find answers for our individual lives within the text and instead seek to find God within them.  

It's time to reclaim the Bible as God's Word, not as the word of God specifically concerning living our human lives, but as God's mystery revealed through text. 

  

Deconstruction and Lent

There's deconstruction going on at school. The old school of theology building is being torn down and an addition to the new one will be added.  I get to watch this all happen between classes.  Workers pound to get the old window frames out, others take tiles off the roof.  Everything that once made the building is being stripped away.  It is becoming a husk, a shell of what it used to be.  Soon it will disappear and something new will take its place.
As I watch this slow, steady process, I can't help but think about how appropriate this is for lent. Lent is about going inward and contemplating where you really are in life.  As you go inward, you start first with your complete self, the building before demolition.  It looks nice, but there's usually something lurking under the surface that needs to get fixed.  So you go in deeper, you explore every nook and cranny, you decompartamentalize yourself, deconstructing the bits that just won't do. You tear away the old windows, you get down to the bare husk of yourself.  Of course, in the case of the building, the whole thing will be torn down.  Lent isn't about getting demolished, it's more about renovation, but the construction sight still provides good imagery.
Of course, this is a difficult process and can't really be fully accomplished in 40 days, but we work on little bits every spring.  For example, this lenten season I'm looking into the parts of me that are judgmental, I'm examining why I feel threatened or insulted by certain ideas.  It could be that they are legitimately wrong and harmful, but mostly it's because I have different view points and simply can't understand where others are coming from.  I'm deconstructing the part of myself that holds strong beliefs, I'm looking at it, putting the majority of the bits back in their place, but modifying others as I find necessary. This is not done on my own of course, I have to delve into conversation with the divine.  For without the divine, how can I know what to keep and what to modify?  So I pray, and slowly I find the places that need some help.  Together, God and I are doing something. And if I walk away from lent this season with no significant differences in my views, at least I looked at them.
I ask that you take some time to think about deconstruction, to ponder what it means to your own lenten journey.  Where does it push you? What do you need to deconstruct in your life? Just ponder and reflect. Then turn to God and just simply be with God. Read the word, pray, do what you love to do with the divine.  See where you are called to go, what you are to do.  Take out the pieces of your life that hurt and examine them together.  If it hurts too hard, find resources to help you.  But I encourage you to reflect.
God's Peace be with you.